


SSB: TAS episode 31: Petra Buys Milk

by Quartz2006



Series: Super Smash Bros: The Animated Series [31]
Category: Batman: The Animated Series, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Car Accidents, Gen, Grocery Store, Guns, Human Trafficking, Mild Gore, Milk, Shooting Guns, The Factory, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-21 10:58:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21298331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quartz2006/pseuds/Quartz2006
Summary: When Petra was having trouble writing her diary, she goes to the fridge and realizes that there is no more milk in the refrigerator, so she goes to the market to buy more, but things don't go as usual.Note: I don't own the characters or the game, only the story
Series: Super Smash Bros: The Animated Series [31]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1420129
Kudos: 1





	SSB: TAS episode 31: Petra Buys Milk

It was a sunny day at Smash Bros. The birds sang, Smashers are fighting each other, and Petra Ral writes down a document about Smash Bros.

“Dear Diary, Smash Bros is a very fun place to live in, with many good people, great activities, and you can fight anyone in the building. I lived here for a few weeks now and the place is still, in my opinion, one of the best places in the world. Yeah, Bowser Jr can be an ass, but especially when I experience modern technology like TV, phones, computers, and video games! And…..”

Petra was stuck. She couldn’t think of anything else to write. “Crap…” She says. She closed down her laptop as she thinks what else to write. She gives up as she put her laptop on her desk right next to her bed. “What am I going to write? I need to think of something.” then she felt thirsty. “Maybe a glass of milk will help.” she walks out of her room and went to the kitchen. 

She opens the fridge and was shocked. There is no food and no milk. “Who took all the food!?” She said.

Then Dark Pit walked into the kitchen with all the food in his arms. “I did,” he told Petra as he stuffed cheese into his mouth.

“The heck are you doing?! That’s not good for you!” Petra says.

“Do I honestly care? No, no I don’t.” He said as he took out the milk and drank it all and throw it into the trash. Petra’s eyes shot up as her jaw nearly hit the floor. “Well. see you later, bitch!” He says as he walked out of the kitchen.

Then Chef Kawasaki walked into the kitchen with a plate of freshly roasted turkey. “Oh my god! What happens to the fridge?!” he almost dropped the turkey on the floor.

“Dark Pit ate all of it,” Petra says as she cleans up the mess Dark Pit dropped.

"That no-good son of an ass!" Kawasaki complained. "I just bought this stuff yesterday and there is no more food!"

"I can go to the store for you. So you don't have to walk." Petra told Kawasaki with a smile.

"Thank you. And here's the list." Kawasaki gave her a list that says: 'Milk, flour (not the plant), eggs, vegetables, fruit, shit, and more shit.'

"You better get the stuff or I'll spank you with my frying pan, just like how I spank Jr when I first worked here!" Kawasaki said in anger. Then he sounds happy. "Good luck!"

Petra nodded as she took her gear and went to the nearest grocery store. Then, Squirtle slowly tiptoed into the kitchen. He wanted to eat the freshly cooked turkey. But Kawasaki sees him, took out his frying pan and spoke, "Someone is getting beaten!" Kawasaki chased Squirtle out of the kitchen while poor Squirtle screams.

Meanwhile, Petra arrived and went through a window and smash it into pieces. She landed on an old man who was grocery shopping. Petra looked left and right and put the food into a bad she got. She got everything but not the milk. She walks into different aisles as she searched for milk. She was about to sigh when a bottle of bleach almost hit her as it hit an aisle shelf. She was shocked. Then she looked to her right. There were the Bat-Family and Kirby wearing a mask that looks similar to Batman's. "Robin! How many times have we told you! Don't throw stuff! Put them on the shelves!" Two-Face shouts out.

"And why the hell are you putting cleaning supplies into the pastry aisle!?" Spoke Kirby.

"Hey! It's said Coca-Cola dumb shits!" Robin said in anger as he pointed another bottle of bleach.

The Bat-Family and Petra looked at him with 'what the fuck' looks. "Did you picked the right mask for Tim?" Whispered Penguin.

"I did." Spoke Batman. "Wait a minute?" He walked up to Tim as he wipes off dirt on his mask. "YOU MASK WAS COVERED IN DIRT!!!" Batman shouts in his face. "When was the last time you washed your mask!?"

"Since I first became Robin," Tim said as he throws another bottle of bleach but this time it hit a person who was about to check out.

The gang slapped their foreheads as Two-Face spoke, "Your fuckin' stupid!"

Then Kirby turns around and saw Petra. "Hey, Petra!" Kirby called out.

"Hey." She waved as Kirby waved back. "I got a question. Where's the milk at?"

"Oh, it's simple. It's right over there!" He pointed as one milk was standing there. Petra thanks Kirby as she walked to it. 

Then, the owner of the store said, "Thank you for putting pastry on my aisle! Without you! My store would be closed-" he was cut off by The Joker punching him in the jaw.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" He yells. "WE WERE CALLED BECAUSE OF A ROBBERY BUT NO! WATCHING AN IDIOT THROWING THINGS IN THE WRONG AREA! MAN! YOUR STUPID!" The Joker shouts out as he begins to beat the shit out of the store owner. The rest of the Bat-Family tried to stop the fight.

“Ya know! I always hated when criminals beat up innocent people like this one.” Harvey says. But then he switched to Two-Face. “Especially when Harvey Dent was DA.”

“Me too, the mayor of Gotham is doing a bad job of keeping this city safe in my opinion,” Bruce says. “Harvey, what's the mayor doing right now? Since you placed a security camera in his office.”

“Well, from what I saw, he’s hanging out with women all night long, he even has sex with them, some are in their 20s, mainly the one he fucks are like 16 to 18 years olds. Even though he already has a son.”

Meanwhile, Petra walked to the milk as he was about to grab it when some old man grabbed the same time as Petra. They Looked into each other's eyes. They both got mad and fight over the milk. Then the man throws the milk as it hit Kirby on the head. "Ouch." He looks down. "Um? Petra, I think this is you-" he was cut off as the milk explode, white milk was all over the floor. It even got on Kirby and the Bat-Family. "Never mind…"

“MY HAIR!!!” Poison Ivy yells in shock.

Petra and the man gasped in shock. Then Perra got out her gun and so did the man. They pointed to each other until a fat security guard appeared looking mad. "How you doing fat donkey…" the man spoke.

Then Petra got thrown out of the store (for the man, let's just say the security did something very illegal to him) as the Bat-Family and Kirby followed Petra. She got up as she said in anger, "Great! Now where I'll get milk!?"

"Are you kidding?" Poison Ivy said in shock. "What about us? Alfred is gonna kill us if we don't buy any milk!" They all nodded their heads.

"And I don't want to see old butler beating us with his belt!" Killer Croc says.

"I fought this was about helping the store guy?" Kirby spoke in confusion.

"Actually, Alfred told us to buy milk, then we got a 'fake' call to the owner that some criminals were robbing his money!" Harley Quinn says.

"I expected to ass whoop someone!" Mad Hatter spoke. "But no! Instead, we had to put up materials on the shelves!"

"It wasn't so bad…" Ventriloquist spoke. "At least we got to see the idiot side of Robin!" Then he got a slap to the face by Scarface.

"Listen here, dummy! When I told ya to shut the fuk up! I mean it!" Scarface says as he pointed a huge machine gun at Ventriloquist's face. "You quiet! Ok…" he put the gun away as the rest looked at him with shock. "What are you shit bags lookin' at!?"

"Seriously!" Kirby spoke in shock. "You need help!"

Then a truck that says: “Rupert Milk” and in the driver's seat, there is a man in his early 20s listening to rock music. Tim saw the truck as he told everyone about it.

“And you high!?” Kirby spoke in shock. “We cannot go steal milk from a milk truck!”

“Pink gender! It's either the spanking or milk!” Tim says. “Now let's go get that milk!” Tim called the Batmobile as it appeared in front of them. Tim got into the car as he honks the car horn.

“Say, I got an idea! Why don’t we go to Walmart! It's closer to my house and-” Kirby said but he was forced into the car as it starts. “Why no one listens to me?” He said to himself.

The man drove down a path that leads to another nearby store right around the corner. He looks to the right and then in the mirror. He saw something black coming towards him. At first, he thought it was another milk truck, but then he saw someone familiar. Two-Face. He screams as he stepped hard on the brakes to get away from him. He has been through with him 4 years ago and he didn't want to get his ass kicked by Harvey again. “Oh no, you don’t!” Tim said as he opened the window as he grabbed a 39-feet long rope from a rope shop. “Kirby, I’ll tie you up while I spin you around and you better hold on to that truck!” He tied up Kirby as he spins Kirby in circles. The pink kid scream at the top of his lungs, Robin let go of the piece of rope as KIrby screams, then landed on top of the truck (who is stopped because of a red signal) with a broken nose. 

Tim grabbed onto the remaining rope as the milk truck starts to drive again. However, the truck driver wasn't watching as he hit some people while going very fast. Batman stepped on the brakes to stop the truck driver, but it was going so fast, the wheels lose control and this causes the Batmobile to go the same speed as the truck. “Nice plan dickface!” Nightwing says in anger.

Then Kirby got slipped out of the top as he was face-first on the car window in front of the man. “Hey man! How ya doing!?” Kirby spoke looking scared. The driver screams as he lost control. The truck went side-to-side while it continues to hit people.

“BRUCE WAYNE! GIMME THE WHEEL!!” Two-Face shouts at Bruce’s face as he got a hold of the steering wheel as it goes crazy. “I KNOW HOW TO CONTROL CARS!”

“HARVEY! I WENT TO DRIVING SCHOOL AND I KNOW HOW TO STOP THIS CAR!” Batman yells as he also held the wheel as the two fight over the steering wheel.

Petra got sick as she opened the window and vomits. “STOP THE FUCKING CAR!” She yells.

“WE CAN’T DO THAT BECAUSE STUPID TIM TIED THE ROPE TO KIRBY!” Clayface yells.

“I THOUGHT IT MIGHT WOOOOORRRRKKKKK!!!!!!!” Tim yells at the top of his lungs.

The Bat-Family and Petar scream as the truck hit more people. It even passed through the speed limit (which is 30) and it almost hit Bullock and his car. “Hey! Whatcha doing motherfucker!” He said in anger as the Batmobile hit his car. “FUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKIIIINNNNNGGG BBBBBBBAAAAAAATTTTTTTTMMMMMMMMAAAAAAANNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!”

Eventually, all milk in the truck got out as it lands on the road. All broken. The driver broke the window in front of him as he grabbed Kirby and pull him in the car. “YOU LITTLE SHIT! YOUR GETTING SEVEN ASS WHOOPIN'!!”

Kirby screams as he tried to get to the brake but the driver got a hold of him. The two fight until the truck hit a stop sign, a nearby park with children and adults. Two-Face saw the park as he took one of Batman’s boomerangs and throw it at the rope and the rope broke loose. Batman stepped down the brakes and it finally stopped. Kirby saw the park and took a hold of the steering wheel. The driver tried to get Kirby off but it was too late, Kirby turn right as the truck hit an ice cream truck with no one in it, ice cream fell on the ground as the people at the park cheered. Kirby’s eyes were wide open as he looks to the left, the driver was dead, his eyeballs hit the window as blood ran down his cheeks. Kirby slowly opens the door as he fell face-first on the ground. He crawled to the Batmobile as Petra picked up Kirby and said, “Holy shit Kirby! That was a close call!” her hair was a mess as some of it got on her face.

“KIRBY!” Batman yelled as he took Kirby off of Petra’s hands. “Oh thank glad your ok!” He said as he gave Kirby a tight hug. Kirby was covered in bruises, blood ran down his cheek as he got a scratch on his head. “Crap!” Batman said. “Meta Knight is gonna be pissed off at us when he sees you!”

“Ah don’t worry!” Kirby said. “Earlier today, he told me he’s gone on a mission and he won’t be back until tomorrow night!”

“What about the guy!?” Petra says.

“Dead,” Kirby spoke as Batman put him on the ground. “Oh and don’t open the door. There is no more milk.”

“Hey! I know this guy!” Harvey said. “This is one of Rupert Thorne’s men! What’s he doing delivering milk for?” he saw something in the guy’s pocket. He took it out as it was an address to the milk factory. “Look what I found!” He gave it to Batman.

“Hm? Rupert Milk? That name sound familiar? Don’t you think?” Batman said as he looks at Two-Face.

“Yeah… It does.” Two-Face was quiet for a moment before yelling in anger, “THORNE! THAT SON OF A MOB BOSS BITCH! WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING SELLING MILK FOR!”

“Who’s Throne?” Petra says in question.

Two-Face looks at Petar as his normal side looks at her. “He’s the guy who destroyed me, my life, MY FACE! MY GIRLFRIEND! AND MY JOB!” He yells in anger as he remembered the memories of that day he got scarred. “Cmon…” Harvey says. “Let's go get that son of a bitch…” He goes to the Batmobile as he starts it up. “What are you waiting for? Get in the car!”

“But what about the mess!?” Batgirl said as she pointed at the truck.

“Ah, no worries! I called a cleaner who will clean up this shitty mess!” Bane says.

“And what about the milk-hey!” Kirby was pulled into the Batmobile by Tim. The car started as it goes to the milk factory. 

The cleaner just got to the scene as he was shocked how messy it was. “Holy shit! But at least I get paid $3,000 an hour… Oh boy.” he sighs as he started to clean up.

They arrived at the factory as they parked close to a bush. “Ok, everyone!” Two-Face announce. “I got this idea. Petra and Kirby will go in the factory to beat that SLIME!”

“And get milk!” Tim interrupted.

“Whatever! You two!” Harvey points at Petra and Kirby. “Go beat his fatass!”

“And get milk!” Tim says before getting kicked by Two-Face.

The two nodded as they slowly approach the factory. Kirby slowly opens the door as he and Petra were shocked. There are thousands of milk put into bottles. But no sign of Throne. Then the speaker said, “Dinner time bois!” It was that ‘slime’ voice. The workers left the room as Petar and Kirby walked in.

“Holy moly! Look at this!” Petra picked up a milk bottle that says: “Salmonella Guarantee” she threw it away and it broke. “Why is that Rupert guy putting Salmonella Guarantee in milk?!”

“I don’t know, maybe he wants people to get sick and make money? That's my guess.” Kirby says.

“C'mon! Let's take this milk back to the others and report it to the police!” Petra took another milk bottle and ran off. But just as she was about to reach the exit, Rupert Throne’s men appeared and pointed guns, machine guns, flamethrowers, and swords with a very pointy end. Petra and Kirby held on to each other as they both scream at the top of their lungs.

“WHAT’S WITH ALL THE RUCKUS!?” A voice yells.

Petra and Kirby looked up to see a fat man with a bottle of milk in his hands. He walked down the stairs Kirby says, “Oh fuck! Please don’t hurt us! We are just getting some milk for deliveries!”

He didn’t say a word for a few moments until he happily spoke, “Ah! Well, of course, no milkman of mine will be left out of delicious nutritious milk.” He went to the backroom and came back with a whole box of ‘Salmonella Guarantee’ milk. The two gasped as they grabbed the box. “When you two are finished, come back here and I’ll give you billions of dollars!”

Petar and Kirby are about to cheer when one of the men said, “Hey wait a minute! Look at that pink kid’s mask! Does it look familiar to you?!” 

Rupert cocked an eye, he looked at Kirby, he didn’t know at first but when a flashback played in his head, he shouts out, “BATMAN! YOU WORK FOR BATMAN!” Kirby screamed as he and Petra book it as they ran. “MY! MMMMMMIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!” Shout Rupert. “GET ‘EM!” He shouts at his men as they ran after the two.

Petra and Kirby split up as Petra ran on top of a treadmill. One of the men shoots at her as she dodged the bullets. She picked up a box with milk in it and throw it at the man, the man falls off the treadmill as the box smashed his head. Killing him. Petra sighs in happiness but was too slow to even realized that she was crashed into by a man with a scar on his face.

Kirby back away as some men pointed weapons at Kirby. “Say back suki! (bitches!) I have a knife that can turn into a gun!” the men didn’t believe Kirby as they laugh like pigs having wild sex. “Oh you have my warning!” he pressed a button and his knife transforms into a gun. “Now whos number one now!” just as Kirby was about to pull the trigger, one of the men think fast as they shot kirby right in the private area. “FUCK! MY LITTLE KISKA! (PUSSY!)” one of the men took the box of milk as Kirby was thrown into a truck with Petra inside.

Throne took a glass of milk and drank it all in one shot. “Y... You… son of bitches. I worked hard on making milk and you two ruined it! For your punishment, I’ll send you two to a farm to make more milk!” he held to the door and slammed it shut.

The truck drive by as the Bat-Family as Kirby and Petra were stuck in it (there is a window behind the truck. “Nice job uglyface!” Tim said before getting kicked in the nuts by Two-Face.

“Shut up bird boy!” He started up the car as they follow the truck to a farm. However, the truck took a different path as the Bat-Family got stuck in traffic. “GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!!” He shouts.

It took 10 minutes for the truck to drop off Kirby and Petra as the driver throws the two on the ground. “Yer better gets that mik or else Thorny will kill ya!” The driver said as he drives away. A farm named Uncle Ben was playing a banjo as the cows mooing.

“Fuck! Now what!” Kirby complained.

“Well, I’ll try to milk that cow while you’ll try to milk that one over there!” Petra pointed at a brown cow. Petra walked to a white cow as she says, “Awww, look how cute you look!” The cow smiled as Petra continued to say nice things to the cow.

Meanwhile, Kirby got out a Plummer as he slowly walked behind the cow. He actually took ‘milking a cow’ lessons back when he was 7 years old. He could still remember when one of his classmates being attacked by a cow. Just as Kirby was about to plum it when another cow saw this and chase after Kirby. Kirby screams as the cow took a gun and shoot at Kirby.

40 minutes later

Petra was waiting for the cow to milk. But she was starting to get bored. “Say, Kirby, did you got any milk?” She turned around and was shocked. Kirby was in a cage as 4 cows were guarding it. “AHHHHHH WE HAVEN’T GOT ANY MILK!”

But when a voice says, “Alright! Time's up!” Petra looked in shock as Throne got out of the car. “I better see a full of milk!” But he saw Petra petting a cow, and Kirby in a cage. “Is this some sort of joke!?” Petra screamed as she ran to the left. Throne chased her as he grabbed her by the throat. “I should’ve killed ya in that factory with that pink gender shit!”

Throne choked Petra hard with his bare hand as Petra’s face turn blue. Kirby tried to get out of the cage but the cow pointed a gun at Kirby. But then he heard an engine roaring. He smiled as he saw the Batmobile at the distance. The Batmobile stop as the Bat-Family got out of the car with their weapons. “Huh?” Throne looked behind him as he saw Two-Face. “Oh shit! Uh… some assistance please!” All of Throne’s men got out of the truck with weapons.

The first one to attack is Catwoman as she took out her whip and whipped at som men; Killer Croc break some men’s back; Batman and Batgirl punched and kicked as some guards with weapons, Batman even twist a guy’s arm; Scarecrow took out his fear gas as he threw some as the guards; Bane squashed and kill some guards with his hands; Clayface transforms into a giant gun and shoots at some guards.

Petra was crawling on the ground avoiding to bet shot and killed. She saw Kirby still trapped in a cage, she crawled throws him as she lifts up the cage. Kirby hugged tightly to Petra as he cried. Petra ran to the Batmobile with the rest. All the guards are all dead, but not Rupert. Two-Face picked up a nearby machine gun and pointed at Rupert. “No Two-Face! Y-you can’t do this!” He looks at Kirby. “You can’t let him do it!”

Two-Face looks at Batman as The Dark Knight nodded as Two-Face flipped Rupert over as he started up the gun. Rupert begged but what he got was painful, Two-Face shot wildly at Rupert’s ass. Finally getting his revenge. Kinda. Two-Face kept shooting until there are no more bullets. He threw the gun at Batman as The Dark Knight catch it.

His ass was completely destroyed as he got a kick in his rear end. The rest said, “Ohhhh!” as they watch Harvey kicking the mob boss’ destroyed ass.

“Yup. That's gonna leave a mark!” The Joker said, he is secretly recording the whole thing.

When Two-face stopped, he walked to the Batmobile as he started up the engine. The Bat-Family, Petra got into the car, but not Kirby. He took 2 boxes with no ‘Salmonella Guarantee’ in it. He got into the car as the car drives away from the farm with dead bodies and a damaged Rupert Throne.

The Bat-Family dropped off Kirby and Petra to their place with the Bat-Helicopter as they fly down to Wayne Manor. The two opened the door as Kawasaki hugged the two. “Oh thank you for getting food at the store. And oh my god! You got a box you fresh milk!” He took the box and the grocery bags and ran away with it to the kitchen. Kirby falls to the couch as he took a nap. Petra took a bottle of milk as she walked back to her room and opened her laptop to continue writing her diary.

“There is a whole lot of violence in Gotham City and Smash Bros too. But its 99 percent better than getting eaten by a Titan. So yeah, Smash Bros is a fantastic place to live, and I am starting to like the crazy violence in Gotham City more than people getting eaten by Titans. Peace out Diary!

-Petra Ral.”

The End


End file.
